Last year, when I was trying to figure out my place in the classroom with a co-teacher who was not convinced I wasn't setting him up for failure, I overheard something he said to a fellow teacher. When she said, "Carla seems great! What's it like teaching with her?" his response took a moment. Finally, he said, "Well, she certainly teaches with love." That response really worked for me. And that's when I knew he and I were going to be ok. Because it's true, I really do try to keep my heart in the game everyday. Today, I was reminded of the downside of teaching this way. At 3:35pm, I opened the email from L's mom and dad. In it, she very sincerely thanked our Head of School for all his efforts, and said tomorrow would be his last day at school. With that, our months and months of struggle were finally resolved. And I felt - crestfallen. We'd failed. Though the outcome may have ultimately been the same, the way it went down was not how it should have gone.
At 2:00pm today, walking the kids to singing time, I pulled L aside. I squatted down to his level, and said, "Hi! How are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in a couple days...I've missed you." He looked in my eyes and responded, "You missed me?" I couldn't tell you what the expression on his face meant, and that has been part of the problem for months - was he surprised, sad or happy to hear this information? I can't say. But I do know, if I thought I missed him today, it is nothing compared to how much I'm going to miss him after tomorrow.
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