My New Favorite Quote

Eli has really had me scratching my head this year. On the one hand, he is the sweetest, most endearing little three-year old you could ever meet. And then, at the drop of a hat, his lack of impulse control gets the better of him as he reaches out and scratches someone across the face who has frustrated him. He's also been known to say pretty violent things to others, though we would all agree he doesn't even comprehend the true intent behind such things when he says them. For months now, we've been trying to strike a balance - helping him manage his stress with calm, soothing words while also trying to hold a firm line about our expectations. These events, however, are a daily occurrence, and some days I have more patience than others. Yesterday, Eli had already had an incident of pushing someone who was not sharing a toy he wanted. Now it was snack time, and in his boredom he was provoking another classmate. When Kenny came to tell me, "Eli just told me he was going to chop off my mom's head," I had no more sympathy left. I told Eli we were headed to Maggie's office. Maggie, our Head of Lower School, is a warm, belly-laughing New York native who loves children - but you don't want to be repeatedly sent to her office for reprimanding. Eli had already been once in the last month, and he wasn't looking forward to going there again. When Maggie saw us sitting outside her office, she knew she had to play hardball. After hearing me explain what had happened, she told Eli he would have to sit silently at her desk while she worked. "If you can't use safe hands and kinds words with your friends, you can't be out playing with them." She told me later Eli sat there for about ten minutes before the tears started to appear. At first, she could not understand what he was saying, and had to ask him a few times to speak up. Finally, she deciphered what he was trying to say: "I...just need a hug...from someone...NOT YOU!" That qualifier sent me into a fit of laughter. Twice I have passed Maggie in the hall, and softly replied when she asked me how I was doing, "I just...need a hug...but Not You!" It has become my new favorite phrase for the month. As for Eli, the jury's still out. Three-year olds are a delicate breed - you can't rationalize, intimidate or cajole them as much as slightly older kids - they really, truly can only do what they are developmentally ready to do. So we will start again fresh on Monday, with lots of hugs, kinds words, and clear expectations, hoping to get him through this tough first year in preschool.